“It’s all I can do…”

“ACIM Lesson 65.  My only function is the one God gave me.”

You know I’ve been doing a ton of inner work for the past 12 years or so and discovered much about myself in the process.   But as of late things have come to a head again with several areas of my life –  in regards to money and my family dynamics and relationships specifically.       I am seeing blaring signs that my low self worth has been driving my choices, decisions and behavior.   And the results are struggle, chaos and challenging relationships, and the illusion of lack.      This is a bit scary for me to admit because I have worked really hard to put up a facade’ of having it all together.      But if I am to serve the world in the way I am called and divinely equipped to I am going to have to pull down the veil  and be transparent.    I have to remember that my weaknesses and my pain is that through which my only strength (that God gives me) can take over.

In my attempt to raise my self worth I have taken on way too much responsibility for others.    For other’s feelings, pain, choices.   Things that are beyond my responsibility.     I know that was mirrored and taught to me well by the family that raised me.    They didn’t set out to teach me that of course.   Their only intention was to love me the best they knew how.      And I am eternally grateful for everything they did, knowing full well that every bit of my life then and now has and is further equipping me to live my life’s purpose.

One of my teachers recently reminded me that we are not responsible ‘for’ others.   We are only responsible ‘to’ them ~ except  in the case of small children, and the animals in our care.     And in the case of our children , I am currently realizing we are responsible ‘for’ them until they are able to be responsible for themselves.      Both my children (daughter 21 and son 17) being two of my greatest teachers have  been trying their darndest to break free of my need to be responsible ‘for’ them, especially my daughter.    And now that she is back living with us as an adult (as many young adults are),  it’s even more difficult for us to renegotiate where our (my husband and I) responsibility stops and hers starts.     We certainly have been doing a lot of bucking up against those boundaries for a long time now.   It’s the task of every mom as our children grow into adults to transition from ‘care taker’ to more the role of ‘adviser’, ‘confidant’ and friend. And I must say for me it’s been grueling at best.

I have said in a previous post that I look at our ‘responsibility’ as our ability to respond.     We have no responsibility beyond our ability.   As it says in A Course in Miracles”   “My only function is the one God gave me.”    My only function is to the best of my ability be light and love in the way that I was designed to be light and love.     The only thing I can do in any situation to return it to love is to; as my husband says “just do what you do”.     Each of us needs to do what comes naturally.    That is our only responsibility.   And what we do naturally is in the form of our gifts.    We are each uniquely equipped from birth with ‘power tools’ so to speak that when used well can serve the people in our lives in extraordinary ways.    If we are attempting to take on more than what we are equipped for, it leaves no room for miracles to happen.

The saga of my life and yours will continue.    And I will continue to learn it better.    And I’ll probably screw it up from time to time in the attempt.    The bottom line is we are ALL just doing the best we can to love and be loved.

This communication is probably the first of many where I will ‘bare my soul’, in an attempt to help myself and you experience that Love.   I hope it helps.

Love,  Cathy

Questions for you to ponder:

1.  Where am I doing something that is ‘not my job’?

2.  What am I avoiding or resisting  that really IS my responsibility? 

3.  What actions can I take today to show compassion for myself and others, knowing “we are all just doing the best we can with what we know, and when we know better, we do better”?

Love to hear from you.   Comment below.

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